How to be a Woman- Caitlin Moran

For anyone who has not already done so I would highly recommend purchasing a copy of this book. It provided me with many hours of merriment and was for want of a better phrase "un-put-downable". The book discusses feminist issues without being all shouty and Loose Women in yo' face and takes the image of feminism from this 

to this 

Which can only be a good thing.

For me the best part was the chapter dedicated to the re telling of a visit to a strip club, followed closely by the account of a week spent with Katie Price- only to discover that underneath that front of complete idiocy their lied puddle deep depths. Weather parting with Gaga in a Berlin gay club or discussing the merits of naming your breast after double acts (think Simon and Garfunkle) "How to be a Woman" says things that will make you nod along in total agreement whilst simultaneously waving  a fist at the "damn patriarchy!".

Lounge on the Farm - (apologies for the lateness)

Based on a working farm in Canterbury Kent, the three day event "Lounge of the Farm" took place on the 8^th July this year, with a sturdy line up of The Streets, Ellie Goulding, Graham Coxon and Echo and the Bunnymen.

Queuing for entry at this year’s festival, the skies above Canterbury were what can only be described as ominous. Black clouds looming above while hoards of Mums wrestled against the wind with their Cath Kidston macs. At one point I witnessed the epitome of the middle class festival family- a baby in a pram loaded with picnic bags stools and weather proof clothing (who I can only presume was named Marcus or Edmund) feasting on an assortment of peas and runner beans from a Tupperware box.  The class balance was restored by the male specimens behind us speculating as to how much “virgin asshole” they would “get up on (their) faces”.

We got to the main stage in time to see Pearl and the Puppets. Who as it turns out its just pearl with her acoustic guitar exuding gentle waves of niceness . The rest of the early afternoon was uneventful, leaving enough time to explore the festival. The site itself was relatively small, consisting of four fields one for camping, another for the cabaret acts and circus performers. The third had dance tents, poetry and comedy while the fourth held the main stage. It’s easy to see why Lounge on the Farm is marketed as a family event as there was plenty of stalls and activities even a children’s section “lil’ Lounge”, as well as a myriad of various food stalls (which I could have spent all day sampling).

As we approached the evening, the main stage stepped up a gear. Dance act Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs dressed in a flamboyant Red Indian costume played a red hot set to a crowd already eagerly anticipating the arrival of the headliners. The ball was momentarily dropped by grime artist Devlin who arrived on stage 30 minutes late rapped about how hard his life was in gangsta’ speak (white noise to the Cath Kidston crew)and articulated himself between songs through extensive use of the word “fuck”. Things got going again with the arrival of the Vaccines. The hottest band on the block, opened with the stupendous “Wrecking Bar (Ra Ra Ra)”. The crowd went stir crazy for the likes of “if you wanna” lead singer Young taking to a freestanding amp for the climax of the song. I have to say that their lead guitarist is a textbook example of a great lead; Freddie Cowan was a constant state of excitement whilst still managing to look effortlessly cool. He even did the bite lip and squint combo whilst playing a rift and looked cool. For a fairly indie and niche band at a mainstream festival, The Vaccines certainly shook the farm.

As the sun set over the festival, the roadies prepared the stage for headliners The Streets. The crowd were buzzing in the wake of The Vaccines. After chants of “Skinner Skinner” reached fever pitch the band finally came on stage to rip-roaring screams. I’ll be honest; I am not a fan of Mike Skinner or The Streets. So standing in a smelly crowd whilst being rained on to watch a band I’m not that keen on was not an exciting prospect for me. Having said that, when they got going they were actually really good. The singles like “Dry your eyes mate” and “Heaven for the weather” had me singing along and much to my surprise, generally having a nice time. At one point Skinner re dubbed the festival lunge on the farm and hacked out the appropriate lettering on the ply wood sign that labelled the stage. After a triumphant set the band came back on for an encore and played the brilliant “Fit but you know it”, the ultimate in lad anthems and the perfect note to end the day on. 

Adele 21

Adele- 21

 The years best selling album so far, Adele has gone from mild obscurity to household name- all thanks to that performance of "Someone like you" on the Brits. Now short-listed for the Mercury music prize, 21 is reaching dizzying heights. 

The album tells the familiar tale of breakup and love lost, Adele's voice is thick with despair but is resigned to the fact that her love has moved on "I guess she gave you things I didn't give to you". With Turning Tables the simplicity of the delicate piano makes the spine tingle while her turbo powered gospel voice is a recipe for heart ache.The subtle moments of the album are the most blissful. But when the tempo picks up Adele spreads her wings and unleashes her voice especially on the stompy Rolling in the Deep. Which brings Aretha Frankiln's R.E.S.P.E.C.T to 2011 ("your gonna wish you never had met me")

 21 has achieved that rare equilibrium of pleasing both the masses and the critics. However I don't think that 21 is up to the standard set by it's predecessor. 19 was a master class in writing an album that was both upbeat and in other places mellow, a pick and mix of blues, soul and old school rhythm and blues. There wasn't so much mourning the loss of love as revelling in its bask.19 was an 18th century cottage, each nook and cranny filled with different textures and tones. Upon each listen I found something new. Whereas 21 is more like a minimalist open plan apartment, one constant theme of heartbreak painted on every wall. 

Maybe 21 will serve to be Adele's break up album, and as she goes on to produce a catalogue of masterpieces 19 will be seen affectionately as the first album, before she got her heart broken. 

Nice view, great big wuss

Last week my sister's Guide pack went to St Margaret's bay for their session. Feeling rather mellow, I went down there with my camera to take a few shots here are the results .

Upon returning to the car to leave, I realised I was wearing flip flops. The rubbery shoe slipped off the smooth pebbles and resulted in me loosing my balance on several occasions. Having removed the hazardous shoe I attempted once more to climb the slope of slippery pebbles, this time I shakily stepped up the beach trying to ignore the pain induced by standing on large rocks and focusing on not crying. At one point I contemplated the option of getting someone to come down and carry me the rest of the way, but the gaggle of pre pubescent girls  being picked up by their parents brought about the realization that it was probably best just to opt for the traditional walking approach. When I reached the summit a wave of relief washed over me and I was met with a renewed awareness of how much of a wuss I really am.

No more of this tomfoolery please...

Treading the commercial strewn landscape of today’s music channels, it’s hard to avoid a slap in the face from a whip brandishing Rhianna or to be knocked aside by the grinding hips of Jessie J. With wide circulation of videos over the web and on TV, kids are being bombarded with sexual images.  Its time to shake up the industry: for the sake of future generations.

The ridiculously over sexed dance routines seen in today’s videos usually follow the familiar blueprint of: a leading female throwing some seductive shapes (the orgasm face is a favourite); followed by pile of beefcakes- sometimes a solitary cake- tending to nuzzle the neck of the woman or opt to stand in lines pouting whilst being fondled by the woman. It’s scary to think that future singer songwriters are not only being fed this crap, but being allowed to believe that dressing sexily or appearing attractive is a fool proof formula for success.

Jessie J- Do it like a dude

For stars like Cheryl Cole to be objectified and for their appearance to take higher importance than their “talent” or even the song itself is a step back in time. How do Katy Perry’s custard spewing breasts (California Girls video) demonstrate any social progression from the dark ages of  Barbra Windsor's bra  pinging open in Carry On?

Its’ almost as if to get into the top ten there is a checklist for female artists. Must have unrealistically skinny figure, be fitted out in the most minimal amount of clothing possible and must be capable of thrusting whilst lip syncing. No wonder young girls are feeling more pressured than ever to look and behave in a certain way, if the people they model themselves on are day time versions of Spearmint Rhino shows. What hope do women have of either being taken seriously by our male counterparts in the pop industry , or in shaping the next generation of females who don’t have eating disorders or body hang ups.

The counter argument is of course that for women to be seen in a sexually aggressive position empowers them to take control of a drooling audience of men. I’m not suggesting that labels start signing Vestal Virgins or bind artists to a lifetime of chastity. I’m just pointing out that it would be all the more empowering to make it into the charts with a decent song rather than a sexy video. Its only through a much needed cultural revolution that we can hope to achieve an equilibrium of gender in the music industry. The sooner it comes the better